With a divorce rate of fifty percent, outrageous adultery statistics, and drive-thru Vegas weddings, obviously the concept of marriage is despised and ridiculed among many skeptics (Divorce Rate Statistics). Most married couples have no common goal other than to love each other, but do not know what true love is resulting in an infatuation, which can only go so far when the stresses of life take toll. As far as the Christian faith goes, marriage is a spiritual union between two spirits and God. The two souls must share a love for primarily God and secondarily for each other. Christian belief defines love as the act of self sacrifice: giving up oneself for the benefit and needs of another, which was demonstrated by Christ on the cross. When a couple approaches the altar for marriage, they are two spirits; and when they leave the altar, they are three.
When two Christian people get married, they are commanded to take on the attributes of Christ everyday and treat their spouse as Christ himself would treat them. Another way of looking at it is comparing husband and wife to Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:23 says, “For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.” A common misconception among unbelievers as well as believers is that “head of his wife” means dictator or total dominance. This is certainly not the case. Christ is the head of the church, and he loves the church. His love for the church is incomprehensible to humans, because no human has the capacity to fully love the same way.
The Bible commands husbands to love their wives as they love themselves (New Living Translation, Eph. 5:33). Again, God commands husbands to love their wives. A command is something that must be done. There is no option when it comes to a command. A Christian husband who doesn’t love his wife as he loves himself or as Christ loves the church (to the best of the husband’s potential) is sinning against God and must ask for forgiveness and rebirth from that sin. Therefore, the wife in a Christian marriage is not a door mat; she is loved greatly and “she is more precious than rubies” (New Living Translation, Prov. 31:10).
In the same fashion, wives are commanded to respect their husbands (New Living Translation, Eph. 5:33). Dominance is not the goal of this command, either. Reverting back to the husband and wife comparison to Christ and the church, wives are to show respect to their husbands as they show respect to God. Respect does not mean bowing at the husband’s feet in worship, it means making him feel good about himself. It means not calling him names or referring to his flaws and insecurities all the time. Any self-respecting person would expect this from their significant other, regardless of their faith, and that is what the Bible commands wives to do. Consider a woman that goes to church every Sunday. The reason she goes is because she can feel Christ’s love when she worships, or respects, Him. She does not go because Christ is a dictator to her, she goes because He is tender, gentle, and quick to comfort. When she feels His overwhelming love, she in turn will worship Him, telling Him how amazing He is, how much she appreciates what He does in her life, and how she longs for only His heart. This is how exactly how a relationship between a husband and wife should be.
In the New Living Translation of the Bible, Ephesians 5:33 says, “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Another Bible translation, The Message, explains the relationship between husband and wife perfectly. In context, it says:
No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband (The Message, Eph 5:29-33).
The love between a husband and wife, when put in full trust of God, is a love that cannot be given, received, duplicated, or exceeded by anyone but Christ.
A Christian marriage has many advantages over a marriage of non-believers. Besides the spiritual gratification received from sharing a walk with Christ and the loved one, Christians have an arbiter to settle their disagreements. When a Christian married couple comes upon an issue that they must come to an agreement on, they are not forced to overly debate it and cause tension in their home. They can take the issue immediately before God and find out what He says about the topic. There is nothing a married couple can argue about that is not in the Bible. Sex, finances, adultery, in-laws, and parenting are all common topics of guidance in the Bible. Another advantage of a Christian marriage is that there is no worriment of sexually transmitted diseases, presuming both partners waited until marriage to have sex, as God instructs. If this is the case, a married couple who both waited can be certain that their other half is pure and untouched, which is a beautiful and assuring thing. Sex is essentially bringing two people together and becoming one. Having sex with someone is a physical and spiritual contract that cannot be broken and can leave anyone with wounds that will need to be worked out in time.
Being in a relationship contract with each other and God is a wonderful advantage, but can also be a disadvantage. When a couple makes a commitment to each other and God, it means that divorce is not an option because a union with God cannot be broken. In fact, Jesus specifically said, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery" (New International Version, Matt. 5:32). If a couple is divorced for any reason other than adultery, it is wrong for them to marry again, because this is adultery in the eyes of God. Another disadvantage of a Christian marriage is the obsession that others have on said marriage. Non-believers have a fixation on watching Christians and condemning them for any time they slightly step off the path they have been following. In actuality, Christians sin just like non-Christians do. The only difference is that Christians are forgiven when they repent and confess with a contrite heart. When a Christian husband and wife have an argument or go through something that puts a crack in their marriage, the world sees it as a failure and a gap in their spirituality. They say, “I thought they were Christian. What hypocrites. I can’t believe he did that to her! I guess being Christian doesn’t mean anything anymore.” Certainly, Christians have their seasons of sin and hard times, but it is no function to the capability of the Maker.
When Christians marry, they are uniting with each other and God, which can lead to rewards and drawbacks. Overall, marriage for Christians is a magnificent unison. They have a personal marriage counselor and mediator to the highest extent. Christian couples know how to truly love their spouse because “God is love,” and when they pursue love together, they can give it back abundantly to the creator and each other (New International Version 1 John 4:8).
Works Cited
Divorce Rate Statistics. 28 3 2009
New International Version. The Holy Bible. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1984.
New Living Translation. The Holy Bible. Wheaton: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 1996; 2004.
The Message. The Holy Bible. Colorado Springs: NavPress Publishing Group, 2002.
Challenge: If you are in a relationship (marriage or dating) ask your significant other to give you three things that you could do that they feel would help your relationship... and do them! Don't worry if they don't want to know three things they could do, give yourself humbly and the Lord will give back greatly.
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